Risa, Greedy Energy-Sucker

what if i'm definitely not strong enough to survive, yet not a candidate to inherit the earth...? what happens to all us mediums? i drink enough "starbuck-double-shot-with-extra-shot-iced-grande-with-one-squeeze-simple-syrup" (thank u shawn--this is legal liquid cocaine, sucked through a straw people) and i feel strong enough to do anything. but usually it just makes me an inane chatterbox with (three hours-)consequent raw throat and complete/utter soul-depletion. i'm greedy for energy. SO greedy. i suck it from drinks, reading material, people, color, small animals, and ***. i want to be up all the time. i want to live some kind of 24-hr sparkly existence, w/o need of sleep or good nutrition. i think this means i'm (put nicely) child-like, or (put more truthfully) childish. that leads me to my other constant-background-crisis, "HOW CAN I BE THIS OLD?" i haven't even been to France. (underpants). child-like, puerile, juvenile, young-at-heart, immature, developmentally-stunted, wide-eyed (?) innocent(?), old lady who wears leggings...