small comfort

some days, even happyish stuff makes me sad.  some days you don't want to treasure HA! ; you want them to just go away...(quick-quick!)...

pain☑  stress☑   self-doubt☑   existentialism☑ 

☹

( ∴ i need ❤ 

            + maybe $)

i disagree

sunny climes, same clef... whatEVer

i can learn flute, right?  no prob. i heard it's super easy!
har har.

Los Angeles Philharmonic
FLUTE - Principal Flute


Resume Date - March 13, 2010

Audition Date - May 1-3, 2010

Starting Date - Not Provided

General Information - Auditions will be held in Los Angeles. Employment to commence based upon the winner’s availability and Los Angeles Philharmonic schedule The Los Angeles Philharmonic Auditions and Renewals Committee reserves the right to dismiss immediately any candidate not meeting the highest professional standards at these auditions. Please visit our website at www.LAPhil.com. The Los Angeles Philharmonic Association is an equal opportunity employer.

Contact Information - For further information, please send two copies of your one­page resumé to: Ellie Nishi, Auditions Coordinator Los Angeles Philharmonic 151 South Grand Avenue Los Angeles, CA 90012 Repertoire information will not be given over the telephone. Resumés by fax will not be accepted.

Website - www.laphil.com

copied from www.afm.org/auditionads

afternoon sloth-iness + disorder

i'm going to blog about blogging. that's so meta! [unrelated stalling: in a period of one month (june, i think) i was told, by two different people, to "always trust my feelings" and that "feelings always lie"--but counsel is always confusing, like "being yourself" is always scary. (e.g. someone else told me i absolutely have to wear mascara, because "they're your power"-->eyelashes!? oh no: mine are sparse and go straight down, weakly!)]

ok, back to the post-modern (sorry!) analysis: my blog posts spring forth fully-formed from my tiny (huge air-filled melon, small cerebrum) head like b.s. spews forth unbidden from my mouth. i am zeus! you hate me! this afternoon: i spent 30 minutes picking a font for a letter that i didn't end up sending. i spent 2+ hours half-watching (half-pacing, moving things around my apt) NYC Prep, evilly laughing aloud when i saw a promo for tonight's episode where jessie falls down a flight of stairs at her "fashion event"--(how can a h.s. kid get a job working for carmen marc valvo; wait, am i jealous?). i AM jealous; at twice their age, i don't have half their ASSUREDNESS. they are SO SURE that they are going to be a popstar/get a glam job in fashion/get into harvard... they're so smart! talented! sophisticated! (ok, i know there lurks an elaborate and complex teen-age lasagne of self-deception, but it still comes off as...well, CONFIDENCE.)

here's a slice of the more noxious side of the show: there's a scene where two private school guys with identical longish shaggy haircuts casually discuss (dismiss) Public School Girls-- "you know they like, post pictures of themselves with their boyfriends on facebook"; "they can't even hold a conversation"; "they're like all emotional, not like private school girls"..... !!

ok i am now on a full NYC Prep tangent, sorry...must attempt to remember/recreate (i'm an unreliable scribe) another great conversation, this time between two private school girls--at a coffeeshop (to discuss one of the girls' upcoming dinner party--(h.s. dinner parties??)):

girl #1: so...i went on a date with X last nite...

girl #2: omg how was it?

#1: it was like a TOTAL trainwreck..

#2: omg, was it...STAG-NANT?

i can't really convey it (the magic) by the written word---there were fermatas on the "STAG-" and the "-NANT" and it was delivered in this extreme, REALLY EXTREME valley girl -style (like, i can't even do it and i'm totally from LA). this show is amazing. i must remember to keep pen and paper nearby.

i first watched NYC Prep last week on mute (the mere sight of their teenaged, know-it-all expressions/gestures were bad enough, i thought) while i was talking to my friend peter on the phone... but then i unmuted (on his recommendation) and found myself glued and taking notes. but really, it's superficial and a big waste of time (hugely fascinating and educational). do NOT watch this show (you must watch!)!

---must end NYC Prep tangent!-------------

i was going to write about the organic nature of my writing process, how it starts usu. with some mild stimulants (whole pot of coffee, diet dr. pepper, methamphetamine, assorted inhalants--and, my mom reads this, so--crack cocaine, ding-dongs, and unwashed fruits) and ends with... a HIT SONG! cuz i am brilliant like rivers cuomo from WEEZER! (when asked by terry gross on Fresh Air to describe his creative process--How do you write songs? How do you start? --mr. cuomo said it begins with sitting in his yard, taking 2 ritalin, downing a scotch (or was it tequila?), and letting it all come naturally...) oh but he went to harvard, didn't he?

and--yessss it's true-- i'm a PUBLIC SCHOOL GIRL.. who steals photos from other websites (sorry etsy, sorry agent bauer) and writes captions and calls it blogging. i hate you, NYC Prep jerks!

"omg, you can totally tell when someone is not, like, from new york, like when they're not a real person.." (from NYC Prep)

photos by alexander crispin, found on agentbauer.com.