maya café FUN last nite

lighthouse group (neil's awesome piece)

chris ("going nuts but telling the truth")

the AWESOME trombones (steve, jon, gerry)

andrew--soulful, passionato

beautiful becky (yes that's a banjo)

finishing with reich?  umm, no one wanted to be last...

jodie bica!

tracy and becky!

chris and hannah!

i am big hypocrite. who knew?

i am a 공주.  honesty=best policy, esp. dealing with yourself.  i like valentines, it turns out.  i guess i never got that kind of personalized attention before so i decided to just hate the whole thing, flowers, chocolates, barf barf barf.  and of course the swedes sealed the deal for me by hating the fake holiday. and i always try to emulate the swedes.  but... if someone knows you hate the CHEEZE but somehow they also know you really do like someone being genuine and thoughtful (genuinely thoughtful, i guess i mean) even if you yourself don't even know that (brilliant huh) it is then SUPER DUPER cool.  valentine's day can be done subtly, i have just learned.  it's genius, especially here in the midwest where cheeze rulez.  (provel: ewww)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this wholly new experience! whoa, sincerity, qu'est-ce que c'est?  we are ALL too cool for that!  wait, why is this sooooo cool?  oh someone with a really cool genius brain behind it... ahh so.  what a diff a brain makes.  seriously. wow.
(ok, i'm still a hypocrite.  i told you, i know.  honesty, good policy.)  but check it!:

ORCHIDS WHEN IT'S SNOWING ??  QUOI?!  with eucalpytus and subtle minimalist greenery? what? no!! oh but 'tis true.  Y E S:

i separated all of the diff elements so the orchids could BREATHE

CHOCOLATES THAT ARE UNPRETENTIOUSLY AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS AND LOCALLY GROWN???  IMPOSSIBLE, you say?  MAIS NON!

made in st louie; believe it.   and they're so good i cannot inhale. believe it!

[i just tried a bit of the above.  it has a really stimulating and fascinating ko-ju-jang (i'm serious.. seriously!) delayed-SPICE that just made me cough. (not cuz i'm a wuss, but because it caught me by surprise)  and i only had a tiny corner.  must be korean cowboy candy.  oh and--

i was going to include pic of the thrilling (incroyable) sea salt caramels but they're GONE!  wha' hap'nd?]

most over-looked/BEST dinner (understated, nonsalty, delicious) in st. louis is at MAYA'S in maplewood.

you MUST go there.  everything is fresh and amazing.  the people there are super nice and smart and funny.  and musically-inclined!  they are starting as a live music venue soon-- a real stage and green room and everything!  since i am starved for responsibility i volunteered to be in charge of the classical music. yes moi.

also, margaritas are "best in st. louis"--says so on their website! but also i tried--very good.

i had never even heard of this place or seen it, nothin.  the decor is also understatedly witty-cool.

we sat by this:

 

this work was done esp. for Maya's by the unofficial official interior decor genius

 at Maya's, who originally was...a sign designer.  neat-o, eh?

(his name is Bill Christman.  here is an excellent blurb i found about him.  he apparently really is a genius.  did the sculptures at the singularly cool --not just st. louis, but really just VERY COOL--City Museum. (it's like a mini late-nite amusement park, with a bar. i'm not kidding.))

the surprise "valentines" dessert was a delicious un-cheeze perfect fresh single jumbo-sized STRAWBERRY which tasted better than anything in the whole world on this snowy cold day. better. than. ANYTHING.  (not hyperbole. in this case.) 

whew: took picture before completely devouring:

this was actually strawberry #2, since my companion is selflessly generous and gave me his. 

(i ate both with several utencils, it seems.)

i am still marveling at it all.  i even got to talk continuously through three episodes of the BEST SHOW ever, my companion completely unfazed.  if that isn't sincere kindness...  (continuously, seriously)

i will officially start my (MY) year of the tiger tomorrow.  no sugar (less headache), better sleep habits, no more hideous flakiness.  it is MY year.  MY YEAR!!  

(OMG that sounds SO george constanza, e.g.-- "it's the SUMMER OF GEORGE!")

eating pizza and regretting it within secs

holy moment-on-the-lips-lifetime-on-the.. (oh god! hopefully not)..
here are some fun peeps, the brazen and hilarious hannah, violinist, her boyfriend and frequent chamber music collaborator (hahahaha, he would laff too) chris,violist (don't hold against him, he's still v. cool) and lovable just-from-aruba (bee-YOTCH) ranya (i love her name, don't you?) who is a cellist/rockstar:

chris and some asian girl who cannot smile* ('tard!)

smiley chris and non-smiley morose girl who is flaring her nostrils like a horse (v. becoming)

hannah, who i prompted like tyra banks: I WANT FIERCE! IN THE EYES!! NOW!!!

SO FIERCE a ghost wanted some of that (spooky)

ranya=innocente; hannah=mastering fierce (bordering on menacing)

ranya's had enough, hannah still "there"--she is not drunk, just assertive!

right now i am slathered in biofreeze and cleaning.  as you can see, i'm blogging more than cleaning, but still... hey, laundry's done, bubye!

*after 3 beethoven 5's in 2 days, morose girl is too tired to smile. (that's my excuse/i'm stickin' to it)!

look it's like those photo-strips from those photo-booths! just turned out like that! happy about it!!

introducing Dennis DeSantis--[from his card:] Composer, Sound Designer, Percussionist, [and, not on his card:] Redyam. jumble: REDYAM. i am not afraid. to tell you. not. at. all. i just like the JUMBLE--makes me feel smart/smug.

can we get a tv show? he gets A++ in the quick-wit, quick-thinking, entertaining mind. also, i think he might be a good person, like non-trickster and non-mean and caring, open, honest...

if he reads this: this is my collage of bright-shiny memories my brain somehow preserved better than other stuff---- this is for you dennis, a brief tribute:

brought to you by my usu. lousy memory, spicy ramen, and 6 hours of john williams:

DETRITUS/"what up, G"/three's company moment/"Listen to the polyrhythms in this Sting song"--nodding like i knew what he was talking about/the coffee at mamoun's has SILT at the bottom/FINGER-only disapproval-wag, his signature (but was mine first)/very generous with shoe-compliments (even shoes u didn't think ppl would appreciate)/and of course "uh, just SUBDIVIDE [stupid]" humiliation/love-boat section (not)/i remember my mom being impressed by your public speaking--"very articulate, charming"(she was in town for brownian motion, whoa.. how long ago was that?)

hermit no more

i have resolved this year to go to every party, go to every after-concert gathering, HANG OUT at at every opportunity... CALL ME. I WILL BE PICKING UP MY PHONE.

above all, i must resist at all costs my natural inclination to go home, force my cat to hug me, stare at wall for 5 minutes (sometimes 10), then succumb to tv, make lists of stuff to do tomorrow... oh how sad

even hugh laurie judges me--well, dr. house i mean. i remember the HOUSE episode with the hot guy from Sex and the City (you know, samantha's ridiculously HOT and sensitive young boyfriend--remember, shaved his head with her when she had cancer??--aaahhh). what's his name? Smith Jerrod. no, that was his name on SATC rite?... a-n-yway, HE plays this soap star who "has it all" --famous, handsome, rich, whatever--and all the docs (13, kal penn, Taub) can't understand how this guy can be so miserable--if anyone could/should be happy, it's got to be him, right?: he "gets all the women," has all these fans, etc.--but he thinks his job is stupid, his life is meaningless, he's contributing to the superficial garbage in the world... whatever. so House starts doing his metaphor thing with him--"life is like an airplane--we're all on planes" ("you can't jump off, cuz jumping off is stupid")--then, just like his contempt for deathbed-last-words-- ("if you really wanted to do it, you would've done it; you wouldn't save it for a death-bed sound-byte".. (btw, i'm not really accurately quoting, just working from my memory--hazy at best))--he once again makes his familiar argument that the Present is all that matters, what you do NOW is all that matters--intentions, motivations, after-life fantasies are all irrelevant and thus meaningless.. this time it comes out in this brutal, delusion-crushing advice-form--this is the one quote that may in fact be an actual quote since it burned instantly onto my brain: "Hope is for suckers. Hoping things will change doesn't make them change. The only thing that matters is what you do. Doing things changes things" that might as well be my epitaph. oh sorry, that's dark. but you know, it hits home in that uncomfortable way for me. i'm so guilty of hoping. i'm a sucker. but (here comes the whiny part) i really feel like most of the things that i've "accomplished" are things that have "just happened"-- when i've felt i really really tried hard and wanted something very badly, it usually doesn't work out. i'm not saying i'm self-sabotaging--i really mean, when i've felt like i worked hard and thought i did well and deserved something, i don't usually GET that thing. it's always beeen when i didn't expect it, didn't feel i "deserved" it that i felt i "got it"---so after accumulating a lot of this kind of data, it seems kind of normal to feel like things are definitely not under my control. i'm that helpless mouse in those psych experiments--the one that just randomly got the cheese when he completed the maze...that poor mouse never could figure it out (was i not fast enough? did i make a wrong turn? am i an idiot? am i not pretty enough?) and after initial neurosis and much trial-and-error, then got all unmotivated to do the maze again after awhile, depressed and reading self-help.

i somehow got way off topic.