ちょっと。。。 you have NATTO on yer face!!

this mask contains なっと, which supposedly "helps to retain skin's natural moisture levels as it exfoliates to reboost dehydrated and dull skin."  しんじられない!!!

the perfect squat, a work of art

thing of beauty forever (ninja)

(here's the advanced:)

this, not so much:

FREAKY-DEAKY!

kelley pointing out unbecoming man-panties! eww

 the gym was fun today. and MY NECK DOESN'T HURT (miracle!)...  i was scared all day because i've been off the wagon since xmas.  nervous all day about going.  but it's good, even if it's not much, just to do a workout with andrew--he's so organized and perfectionistic. he's even got those old-people pill containers with his vitamins/supplements; i only saw one, but kelley says he has one for each day of the week all lined up at home.  he and kelley are doing 3 workouts a day! in preparation for the CROSSFIT GAMES qualifier next month.  he's apparently even dreaming crossfit workouts.  i love hearing about the workouts and eating cheat-free zone meals---so inspiring! i just got "A Week in the Zone" but haven't started yet.  i had two sips of this "OH YEAH" chocolate drink (32g protein) and that was about enough.  something silty about it.  (32 grams of protein?? yes, not a typo). my workout today was:

500m row

40 squats

30 sit-ups (andrew standing on my feet, only way i can do it)

20 push-ups ("push-ups"- holding weights and girl-style)

20 1-arm rows w/ 15lb weight, each arm (can barely do this--sad)

500m row

have to start somewhere.  lisa 2.0 flamed out awhile back. i'm starting again, lisa 3.0--who is going to run on the treadmill tomorrow.  and try to eat more regularly and more zone-y.  except that i'm going to temptation-ville (brasserie/niche) tonight--i've never been (they just opened across the street) but at niche (the original, in benton park) they always have delicious vegetables that normally i would be a baby about (turnips, Brussel sprouts, beets---delish) but love eating there...
oh here's shawn coming out of our Administrative Service earlier-- random shot o'the day!

guess who he's calling? betcha her name is lisa, her last name starts with 'c' (and it ain't me!)

hey davin, I GOT A GLIMPSE!

davin looking cool somewhere, looks like europe ("you know, where the history comes from"- eddie izzard). look, i know youre in michigan or some such place but there are computers there.  i'm going to go visit your dog.  he's probably all cooped up cuz of the rain.  he's so cute.  you've gotta have a pic on fb...

 of course you do!! i love this creature SO MUCH!!  it feels like betrayal to all the others i love also, but gonz is special, we have a connection.  it was love at first sight.  i'm so glad you moved to st. louis.  atlanta is too hot. and emily was ronery... ok, back to bizness...

STEP 2 has FOUND ME IN THE NIGHT!

you wouldn't believe it!  right when i woke up this morning.  total surprise.  yesterday i was really beating my brains out thinking about this "next step", WHAT IS THE NEXT STEP, WHAT WHAT WHAT?...

as in, what do u do after the observation from deep passivity*? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR ICKY ICKY (yes that's judgmental) FINDINGS*?

[*PROGRESS REPORT ON STEP 1:   i've been doing this more than few days now (since my last krishnamurti post/ tuesday nov.11 and even more since reading thought-ful and thought-provoking comments  from eugene, davin-- their minds REALLY set my dendrites/axons afire (THAT'S HOT©Paris Hilton)--[ok, side-note:  you really do need other people; this proves it... it IS true.  throw out your sartre.  you know, two brains are better... ].    ok, this is what i do:  i consciously take a mental step away from myself, zero myself all out, and as passively as possible, all casual-like, i tip-toe to the mode where i can  passively and nonjudgmentally observe myself (neither criticizing nor commending)---- from a  "quiet-mind"  "higher mind above .. distance, from that place a bit apart (separate) from myself, then as neutrally as i can, note my reactions and patterns.  whoa, it's quick--auto-default patterns really kick in...  i try to remain dispassionate (observation mode), even while hearing the actual WORDS in my head (left-brain controls the words right--it wants to pummel me to the ground). it's very normal/usual-feeling, this left-brain barrage--basically it's something à la (believe me, this is the condensed and slowed version) "WHY TRY/IT'S ALL HOPELESS FOR YOU/YOU MUST BE UNDESERVING/YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT SO GIVE UP/BE SMART AND GIVE IN--DON'T THEY CALL REPEATING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER WITH THE SAME RESULT IDIOTIC? JUST GIVE UPAND SUBMIT TO YOUR SAD LONELY COLD DARK FEELING BECAUSE THAT IS YOU, YOUR LIFE.  YOUR LIFE IS SAD.  YOU CANNOT CHANGE IT.  SADNESS IS JUST GOING TO TAKE YOU OVER SO LET'S JUST GET IT ALL OVER WITH NOW/  YOUR PARENTS WILL BE SAD BUT THEY WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ANYMORE/THEIR INVESTMENT JUST DIDN'T PAN OUT/NOTHING YOU CAN DO/ YOU LOVE PEOPLE WHO WON'T LOVE YOU EVER/PEOPLE ARE POLITE BUT THEY CAN'T HELP BECAUSE NO ONE CAN HELP/SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY CANNOT HELP YOURSELF IT'S YOUR DUTY, YOUR RESPONSIBIITY TO GIVE UP/NOTHING TO PRESERVE HERE"  ok, something like that, which is really not helpful.  especially since it's so swift to kick in and has SO much material (lots of years collecting). anyway, so ---then i thought, now what? i see this pattern recur many times a day.] 

what do i do now, mr. j. krishnamurti? huh huh huh?

STEP 2 ARRIVES OVERNIGHT
ok, this morning it suddenly occurred to me that since i could observe quite well, and stay out of it, let it run it's course let's say, then maybe i could also interfere (even tho' that's like the resistance that K talks about all confusingly)-- i spin stuff (define: help people with words)for other people all the time, like to...
-lessen their disappointment/shock
-to support someone's confidence in their opinion
-to not get busted
i even use dreaded clichés (in emergency situations when you run out of your own material), like--
-"Tomorrow is another Day!"
-"It's Never as Bad as it Seems!"
eww. or just resort to--
--"WHAT AN ASSHOLE!"
a n  y w a y , the point is i can use my left-brain to work for me instead of against me.  i can argue with it until i get it in a chokehold of reason and positivity.    here's an example that popped into my head right after this idea came to me:  ok, recently let's say the default feeling is "it's the same-as-it-ever-was...SUX," about... love,( let's say, specifically about two gentlemen who will remain nameless)..  well, there's tons of hard evidence for that, plus quotes from other people (e.g. my dad, xmas 2007, "You always pick the wrong guys"), self-image problems, general insecurity about intelligence, ugliness, fatness, etc. etc... WELL, i can tackle that with the same focused and determined part of my brain that can spin anything else for other people, open their minds, consider alternatives, cheer 'em up.  determination and quickie brainstorming, incorporating also creative skills--point that at myself,  to turn it around FOR ME.  it could work, right?  and in the end, even if not "spun' entirely around and i'm not beaming sunshine and rainbows, i'll have enough of an influx of new thoughts and ideas to at the least distract me, hopefully to expand my repertoire of default settings.  gradually, who knows? 

POSTSCRIPT:
actually, i wrote most of this earlier, and then for the first time ever (good job! tell me good job!) i LEFT it !!even tho' i had all this stuff i wanted to get down before i forgot-- because i had to go to the gym at 3 and i've been chronically late (as u know) and it's terrible, feel bad.  anyhow, later was in the grocery and i gave in again, didn't have the energy to come up with anything.  what a downer this is.  no one wants to hear about failed flashes of insight.  what a bummer.  maybe i'll try again later, but the dark side is strong (and has cookies!).

sad closet

all my clothes are draped on my bed, chair, dresser... cuz of a water leak in my sparklingly new, very faulty condo, in my fabuloso master closet. apparently the units above and below me have completely water-soaked closets and they've ripped up the walls to find the leak, but mine--??huh?---has only wet carpet and is damp only on one side? this makes no sense to me.

i am sure there is more to come... good thing aggie likes water!

oh come on

this is really unnecessary. and kind of diminishes him as the cute, sensitive, shy type that i (and i imagine others) imagine him to be. hugh laurie would never pander like this.

i'm off to "opera" and stopping at borders for things to look at, to distract me from the nagging ache that is second-violin-playing.

ewwww

some people--asking for it. not hot.

glistening can be hot, this seems too pungent, drippy

"PEOPLE! I need your eyes!"

yes, he said to this me at a rehearsal (or maybe it was the guy next to me, or behind me..?)