Enjoy Yourself

...an excerpt--I think in the wrong order!

Enjoy yourself,

It's later than you think.

Enjoy yourself,

While you're still in the pink.

The years go by,

As quickly as a wink.

Enjoy yourself,

Enjoy yourself,

It's later than you think.

You're gonna take that two-week trip,

No matter come what may.

But every year you put it off,

You just can't get away.

Next year for sure you'll hit the road,

You'll really get a-round !
But how far can you travel
When you're six feet underground. [hey!]

You work and work,

For years and years.

You're always on the go.

You never take a minute off,

Too busy makin' dough.

Someday you say you'll have your fun,

When you're a millionaire.

Imagine all the fun you'll have

In your old rockin' chair.

Enjoy yourself,

It's later than you think.

Enjoy yourself,

While you're still in the pink.

The years go by,

As quickly as a wink.

Enjoy yourself,

Enjoy yourself,

It's later than you think.

Originally written by Carl Sigman, lyrics by Herb Magidson, 1949.

The Louis Prima version that's on House

lovelovelove

i cried during Swan Song! 

i couldn't help it.

i bet i can do a lumbar puncture.

season 6 ----SO GOOD

i love mad men, 30Rock, loved arrested development, prison break....

but HOUSE IS BEST.

risk management with dave matthews. i like him!

here's a good song.  i like it; it works--music, lyrics, dave matthews' distinctive voice/style...
wanna hear?  you might die trying,  i first heard it on HOUSE, season 5, maybe episode 2 or 3. 
there's definitely a connection between dave matthews and hugh laurie.  he played a piano virtuoso in season 4, i think.  maybe they "jam" in real life.  as we know, sir laurie can play guitar, piano, sing, dance--quadruple threat, really.  he can juggle too.  so talented.

"You Might Die Trying"

To change the world,

Start with one step.

However small,

The first step is hardest of all.

Once you get your gait,

You will walkin tall.

You said you never did,

Cause you might die trying,

Cause you might die trying.

If you close your eyes,

Cuz the house is on fire.,,,

And think you couldn't move,

Until the fire dies.

[@davin:  the FREEZE of instinctive/primitive fear reaction.  thanks brain stem]

The things you never did,

Oh, cause you might die trying,

Cause you might die trying.

You'd be as good as dead,

Cause you might die trying,

Cause you might die trying.

If you give, you, you begin to live.

If you give, you begin to live.

You begin, you get the world.

If you give, you begin to live,

You get the world, you get the world.

If you give, you begin to live.

You might die trying.

Oh, you might die trying.

Yeah, you might die trying.

The things you never did,

Cause you might die trying;

You'd be as good as dead.

'Cuz you never did.

i was thinking about quitting...

bangkok, brisbane, and MILANO ...   my internets haven't been working lately and i thought i lost that blogging feeling, was going to say an official sayonara (my keyboard also creates inadvertent italics which is annoying) but then i got my weekly stats today and i am weak to their exotic influence...so...

ok, i know full FULL well that people stumble upon my scrawlings by mistake, or by googling the words and persons (and things and countries) that i am possesssive of (don't touch!) --but i'm not too proud to admit that i enjoy feeling globally minimally exposed.  one of my loyal readers, i'll call her um, Tom, gave me some shocks about how potentially dangerous and mortifying it is to be known to other people that don't know me and thus will undoubtedly make false (or true) judgments about me and my life will be ruined.  well, what i don't really now (yet) may never hurt me!  i will take the risk, Tom!  i don't think i matter that much--see, i'm shockingly humble for an only child. 
i do feel strange about the possessiveness i DO feel about my (ha, "MY"--i'm not delusioned at all) blog topics, or blog interests, or whatever.  i noticed this embarrassing reaction in myself at various holiday and non-holiday parties in the last few weeks.  it is SO stupid and irrational and utterly uncontrollable... i purposely put a figurative fist in my mouth so i don't react verbally, giving my stupid inner self away, but though i bite my tongue i think i still reveal myself, even if i don't talk... someone mentions "hugh laurie" or "hey that show House" or god even "blogging"---what the * is wrong with me?--and i get all uptight or defensive or...anyway, i start bracing myself, for some reason.  oh--also, "north korea", "korea" even, or ha!..i can't even tell you.
maybe it shows i'm invested or something, and that's sort of impressive.  it's like if someone starts talking about one of your bestest friends, not knowing that they are one of your bestest friends, at a party and you brace yourself...?  is that a good comparison?   puts it in a more reasonable light, anyway.  my reaction, my discomfort, that is.
but wouldn't it be more normal, sorry, LIKELY that one's heart would leap with joy to be led to one of their topics of interest?  so silly but i think i can't--CAN-NOT-- (ok, i hit upon it finally) i  CANNOT handle something/someone that/who i think about so much, so deeply (for me), to be glibly, carelessly discussed as if it were not the Most Important Thing in The World.  but wait, don't i enjoy conversations about stuff i feel are very cool?  maybe only caffeinated conversations, not semi-drunken... 
anyway, somehow it matters to me that these things be treated with some kind of deference.  that's all i can come up with. 
this is a good example of how i waste use up a lot of time thinking about stuff, lose track of huge amounts of time, am consequently late for everything.  
but not anymore of course: 2010 so far is spotless.  shut up that it's only the 4th. 
did you read this nytimes article on aging brains?  apparently all the stuff i thought i forgot about in college might still be stored somewhere.
also, a poet/writer died around xmas.  Rachel Wetzsteon committed suicide. the poem the times printed in her obit ("Sakura Park") seems to really, vividly capture a moment in her life.  i found it very affecting, maybe more personally so because that is where my friends amy and neil live, the park where i've been with their 3-year old daughter.

oh yeah

i never stop thinking about u

fifth season is unbelievable (i'm always a season behind; i prefer viewing marathon-style on dvd, then re-watch ad infinitum for all layers/nuance/ties to overarching themes and general obsession)

season 5 highlights:  "Social Contract" (disc 4)--frontal lobe disinhibition (omg, discuss)

"Both Sides Now"  (disc 5)--left/right brain non-communication (holy, discuss)    

even watched out of context (which i am making a friend do as i type) they are incredible.  and i need people to discuss with! (selfish!!)

"chatting up your doorman"

oh sorry, i just realized my blog may be my "doorman".  except you are not a "captive" audience, of course (run!)

sometimes hugh laurie's dr. house voice is in my head and all the metaphors start conflicting.  (does that happen to you ?  haha)

we're all on planes. you can't jump off; jumping off is stupid.

if you don't like it, there are exits on every floor

can you believe in a God that hides in a closet

almost dying changes nothing; dying changes everything

the truth is out there ['dog day afternoon' episode']

but worth risking your life to know (a 'reasonable' swap for knowledge?)

 

i don't have time to sort this out.  i always start my posts when i don't have time...why do i do this? anyway, these illustrations stolen from agentbauer, dan berglund.  i think.

hermit no more

i have resolved this year to go to every party, go to every after-concert gathering, HANG OUT at at every opportunity... CALL ME. I WILL BE PICKING UP MY PHONE.

above all, i must resist at all costs my natural inclination to go home, force my cat to hug me, stare at wall for 5 minutes (sometimes 10), then succumb to tv, make lists of stuff to do tomorrow... oh how sad

even hugh laurie judges me--well, dr. house i mean. i remember the HOUSE episode with the hot guy from Sex and the City (you know, samantha's ridiculously HOT and sensitive young boyfriend--remember, shaved his head with her when she had cancer??--aaahhh). what's his name? Smith Jerrod. no, that was his name on SATC rite?... a-n-yway, HE plays this soap star who "has it all" --famous, handsome, rich, whatever--and all the docs (13, kal penn, Taub) can't understand how this guy can be so miserable--if anyone could/should be happy, it's got to be him, right?: he "gets all the women," has all these fans, etc.--but he thinks his job is stupid, his life is meaningless, he's contributing to the superficial garbage in the world... whatever. so House starts doing his metaphor thing with him--"life is like an airplane--we're all on planes" ("you can't jump off, cuz jumping off is stupid")--then, just like his contempt for deathbed-last-words-- ("if you really wanted to do it, you would've done it; you wouldn't save it for a death-bed sound-byte".. (btw, i'm not really accurately quoting, just working from my memory--hazy at best))--he once again makes his familiar argument that the Present is all that matters, what you do NOW is all that matters--intentions, motivations, after-life fantasies are all irrelevant and thus meaningless.. this time it comes out in this brutal, delusion-crushing advice-form--this is the one quote that may in fact be an actual quote since it burned instantly onto my brain: "Hope is for suckers. Hoping things will change doesn't make them change. The only thing that matters is what you do. Doing things changes things" that might as well be my epitaph. oh sorry, that's dark. but you know, it hits home in that uncomfortable way for me. i'm so guilty of hoping. i'm a sucker. but (here comes the whiny part) i really feel like most of the things that i've "accomplished" are things that have "just happened"-- when i've felt i really really tried hard and wanted something very badly, it usually doesn't work out. i'm not saying i'm self-sabotaging--i really mean, when i've felt like i worked hard and thought i did well and deserved something, i don't usually GET that thing. it's always beeen when i didn't expect it, didn't feel i "deserved" it that i felt i "got it"---so after accumulating a lot of this kind of data, it seems kind of normal to feel like things are definitely not under my control. i'm that helpless mouse in those psych experiments--the one that just randomly got the cheese when he completed the maze...that poor mouse never could figure it out (was i not fast enough? did i make a wrong turn? am i an idiot? am i not pretty enough?) and after initial neurosis and much trial-and-error, then got all unmotivated to do the maze again after awhile, depressed and reading self-help.

i somehow got way off topic.

i need routine like air/ COMIC-CON 08

i told my friend i was going to visit him in cleveland tomorrow but i just never got the ticket. cleveland is just not that motivating. i went there once and i have no recollection except for snow and cold. no, that's just an easy excuse.. cleveland is just so blameable, an easy fall guy, just like saint louis, oh and maybe detroit. AS DR. HOUSE said--offering proof of the absence of an afterlife or heaven--"I don't need to go to Detroit to know it STINKS." haha.

this summer is difficult for me. i'm not complaining, really. this is my own specific challenge that maybe you would not identify with, perhaps at all. actually, i hope you don't resent me. when every day is a murky amorphous blob, i hyperventilate. figuratively (most of the time). self-doubt is at an all-time high. i think this will be deleted after i write it. but who knows? i may not be able to make a decision. (indecision is also at all-time high).

COMIC-CON sounds fun this year. (why oh why didn't i just stay an extra week!??) i'd like to see the hello kitty/darth vader guy (girl?) and various character-morphs (obamawankenobi, last year) wandering around. last year was fun. i thought it was just for comic book/anime/ gaming nerds; i didn't expect to see celebrities-- also didn't know it'd be so fun to see them--but they're all hanging around in san diego during comic-con, promoting their fall shows and doing panels, or i don't know, just hanging out. my aunt and her fam go every year. i tagged along last year (i got it in through sneaky but legal, i think, strategery) and i admit it was really fun. chewbacca and barack obama and even an UNI (yes, giant sea urchin harrassing people at the crosswalk) walking on the sidewalks like it's no big deal. it was FUN to catch glimpses of harold and kumar (john cho and kal penn), kristin chenoweth, ned from pushing daisies (what's his name?? he's much cuter/less cheezy in person i can report)... now i must remember his name or i'll worry i'm losing my memory. just a sec. no, it's gone-- you'll have to google it, if you really need to know. (it's bothering me, but i refuse to google for 24 hrs).

every network and film studio has it's own area--like NBC had a 30ROCK and OFFICE -filled area, Sci-Fi had its own battlestar galactica FRAKKIN area, etc., plus every big movie coming out had an area, plus lots of things to buy of course, and announcements of freebies on the loud speaker. it's super-chaotic and fun. at night there was this so-lame-it-was-almost-cool talent show, i think it was called "Masquerade." the show was so packed we could only get into an overflow room with a huge screen.

this year i hear there are lots of cool guests:

adam west, ray bradbury, the TWILIGHT cast (see previous post on hot creeps), the MythBusters' dudes, Lela Lee (ANGRY LITTLE GIRLS-really really good cartoon), oh and --AMAZING!-- rarely-seen japanese animator HAYAO MIYAZAKI (spirited away), which i guess demonstrates how international the convention is getting.

[duh LEE PACE!! it just came to me--you know, ned from pushing daisies.]

i just skimmed an article in nytimes--neat-o: miyazaki is promoting his new movie, PONYO, an animated film "about a goldfish mermaid and her young boy companion." the japanese really know how to mix cute/pervy/artsy in the best way. that sounds amazing. i like how the nytimes just states it, like no big deal---sheesh, it's just a mermaid that's a goldfish and her boyfriend, get over it-be liberal and cool and open-minded.

funny question

like: "Just what kind of creep ARE YOU?" is a funny question.

like there are categories or something. well, i can think of two--(1) "creepy" like scary, those to avoid, and (2)boys that ignore you suddenly and are thus fascinating (or the twilight guy, v. attractive in creepy way)

that particular question is obviously from some tv show that i like (duh), but i always thought it was a funny question.

downsizing is hard, to change the subject. my apt is 920 sq ft. i think my old apt was like twice that. my dog hates it here. my cat loves it here. i will post a pic of the best thing in my apt next time. not to be an ungrateful creep, my place has 10-ft windows in both rooms, laundry in the hallway, and i gotta extra luxe powder room (with linen closet). yeah, this should make me super happy. yet... you know.... :( persists.

i'm looking at the happy thing in my apt. you should see it. it's so perfect. why can't life be perfect? or just a little closer to perfect? and i'm not selfish--i want perfection for everyone and everything. may god perfect you too.

oh my

i just made a kinda-real, kinda-not pact with my friend not to live past 40. h.l. and i are soulmates; here's more proof:

from jan.2009 atpictures.com post:

English actor Hugh Laurie has already survived nearly a decade longer than he expected as a teen--after making a pact with his friends to take their lives before turning 40. The "House" star admits he found the age unappealing, and vowed to take his last breath before growing too old.

(of course he goes on to talk about the "arrogance of youth" and apologizes for his stupidity. i'm not a teenager so for me it's just sad and immature, boo.)

hero

i just read this old article in the u.k.daily mail about hugh laurie's hair (or, absence of) during the writers' strike last year.. like that matters. anyways, his answer to the question, what was he doing during the strike?, once again confirmed my love/obsession: "I've been at home playing piano in my underpants." (have u heard dr. house play? his bach is pure, humble, beautiful.. can he be more amazing?) i hear he has struggled with major depression. i wonder, does he medicate? therapy?

i am vulterine

dear hugh laurie, is it wrong to celebrate the end of anothers' relationship? is it bad to "wait out" (seinfeld) relationships? or can i suddenly claim belief in fate?

i never dared to hope, but now i'm a cat (ferocious, see pic) ready to pounce. my scheming brain is suddenly alive with activity. s'terrible. no, it's pro-active, and that's the word of our generation. i'm like kal penn, quitting HOUSE to work in the obama adminstration, except for me it's like quitting being a typist to go eat pizza in brooklyn. for a good cause. what?
no, it's not schadenfreude; it's survival. now's my chance to move from one cliche to another. as my dear neighbor just texted me minutes previous, "Only the strong survive." back burner to front burner, pronto!

forbidden fruit stays fresh for 2+yrs!

he comes from sheep-herders and my family are cattle people, but our twice-monthly (averaged over two years) relationship has lasted longer than most [of mine]. i'm sorry, hugh, but waiting for you was taking too long, so it's come to this. i have attitude of gratitude because it's really helped me connect with the rest of humanity like nothing else. if you care enough to judge, i'm touched genuinely, but...i beg u--don't! YOU CAN'T DESTROY OUR LOVE!*

*quote from house, i think?, 3rd season

PARK/LEE/KIM

dear mr. laurie, i thought that the only House episode with a korean main character (sick person) was really really profoundly well done. JOHN CHO, who plays harvey park, is an asphyxia-philiac (sp?)---so perfect! his dominatrix (whose services he compensates by cleaning her house and doing her taxes) compassionately defends his "fetish", explaining that when he feels stressed he needs to "feel in control by being controlled"-- and that when you let yourself trust another person, trust someone that much, it really opens you up, really changes you. this has so many relatable parallels! of course dr. house is completely perplexed/fascinated because he trusts no one and refuses to be controlled by anyone--but annette (dominatrix) is so sincere and, i don't know, impassioned, one can't help but open one's mind up a bit and think about it. back to me, i can COMPLETELY relate. as an only child, korean-amer., brought up by my pioneering, ambitious, tough-minded immigrant parents, i was completely controlled. any straying behavior or thought was whapped outta me before i could even find my own mind. then isn't it perfectly understandable that (in "adult" life)i feel more relaxed when other people make decisions for me, tell me where to go, what to do, how my hair can be improved. it's a mini-version, but i feel myself doing that a lot---consciously letting go of my urge to hang on, letting go of resistance, and completely submitting, giving it up... and sometimes there is a plus. sometimes it does feel good. in some circumstances, like let's say a nerdy example like chamber music or other groupy activity, giving it up (or opening your ears up outta your own sound/part) gives you this great feeling of being part of the whole, of hearing the whole piece differently, a chance at surrending your ever-precious ego.. the tricky part is all the components of submission-- (1)how to let go, (2)when to let go, (3)can u trust the "group" and simultaneously hold on to your own personal responsibility? back to harvey park, of course his parents (mom was definitely korean actress, dad was definitely NOT--fu manchu mustache makes me think chi-nese), accountants (uh duh) disowned him when they found out about his "proclivities" and house threatens them with their own kind of humiliation, exposing them in "every dumpling shop and nail salon in pennsylvania" (sorry, i love that--except that it should be "every dry cleaner and nail salon"). is this wrong: i find this to be a very truthful depiction of possible korean family... wait, if i liked to be strangled, would my parents disown me? hmm.

the hero himself

most excellent one

i can't; i'm not worthy

i find directly addressing hugh laurie, OBE, a little presumptuous and embarrassing. OBE -- "Most Excellent Order of the British Empire"--pretty much backs me up that i'm not worthy. ("most excellent"! so very bill and ted, ha!)
to say i'm a fan, that's embarrassing. to say it's gone beyond fan-hood, that's embarassing too. the truth is i must be *cringe* Superfan: i've watched all the episodes of jeeves and wooster and the first three seasons of house approximately a billion times... is this freakish? obsessive? no! it was therapeutic.
possibly: house is therapy for those who don't want to get therapy. or maybe: house is therapy for people who are lonely but refuse/hate to admit it. whatever it is, house soothes and comforts like nothing else.
HOUSE--why?
beyond hugh laurie, beyond the mesmerizing spell he casts, house is unique because it has a distinct, consistent overarching philosophical theme, or themes--the plot is, while not irrelevant, merely a backdrop--
off the top of my head, the general jist is--
Life--is not merely a test.
Hope is for sissies. Don't save regrets for a deathbed soundbyte.
You have to do what you think is right.
Everything sucks, might as well smile.

i think that's basically it. it's not just "everybody lies" and dr. house is an asshole. i don't know whose plan it was, but the writers consistently address things that don't get addressed in daily life (in my daily life)---about complacency, action, what gives life meaning, does meaning even exist, are we mainly chemistry/biology or can your will overcome that, why are we here, what is it all for--
if life is not a test, does one's life become more meaningful/important, or less? is it comforting or discomforting, disturbing...? personally it makes my tendency toward cowardly passivity seem almost sinful.