hermit no more

i have resolved this year to go to every party, go to every after-concert gathering, HANG OUT at at every opportunity... CALL ME. I WILL BE PICKING UP MY PHONE.

above all, i must resist at all costs my natural inclination to go home, force my cat to hug me, stare at wall for 5 minutes (sometimes 10), then succumb to tv, make lists of stuff to do tomorrow... oh how sad

even hugh laurie judges me--well, dr. house i mean. i remember the HOUSE episode with the hot guy from Sex and the City (you know, samantha's ridiculously HOT and sensitive young boyfriend--remember, shaved his head with her when she had cancer??--aaahhh). what's his name? Smith Jerrod. no, that was his name on SATC rite?... a-n-yway, HE plays this soap star who "has it all" --famous, handsome, rich, whatever--and all the docs (13, kal penn, Taub) can't understand how this guy can be so miserable--if anyone could/should be happy, it's got to be him, right?: he "gets all the women," has all these fans, etc.--but he thinks his job is stupid, his life is meaningless, he's contributing to the superficial garbage in the world... whatever. so House starts doing his metaphor thing with him--"life is like an airplane--we're all on planes" ("you can't jump off, cuz jumping off is stupid")--then, just like his contempt for deathbed-last-words-- ("if you really wanted to do it, you would've done it; you wouldn't save it for a death-bed sound-byte".. (btw, i'm not really accurately quoting, just working from my memory--hazy at best))--he once again makes his familiar argument that the Present is all that matters, what you do NOW is all that matters--intentions, motivations, after-life fantasies are all irrelevant and thus meaningless.. this time it comes out in this brutal, delusion-crushing advice-form--this is the one quote that may in fact be an actual quote since it burned instantly onto my brain: "Hope is for suckers. Hoping things will change doesn't make them change. The only thing that matters is what you do. Doing things changes things" that might as well be my epitaph. oh sorry, that's dark. but you know, it hits home in that uncomfortable way for me. i'm so guilty of hoping. i'm a sucker. but (here comes the whiny part) i really feel like most of the things that i've "accomplished" are things that have "just happened"-- when i've felt i really really tried hard and wanted something very badly, it usually doesn't work out. i'm not saying i'm self-sabotaging--i really mean, when i've felt like i worked hard and thought i did well and deserved something, i don't usually GET that thing. it's always beeen when i didn't expect it, didn't feel i "deserved" it that i felt i "got it"---so after accumulating a lot of this kind of data, it seems kind of normal to feel like things are definitely not under my control. i'm that helpless mouse in those psych experiments--the one that just randomly got the cheese when he completed the maze...that poor mouse never could figure it out (was i not fast enough? did i make a wrong turn? am i an idiot? am i not pretty enough?) and after initial neurosis and much trial-and-error, then got all unmotivated to do the maze again after awhile, depressed and reading self-help.

i somehow got way off topic.

gwyneth makes bibim-bop

she's kind of impressive-- her bibimbop has kimchee. wow.

non-drug cures

dreamy world of maja sten illustration

more grace coddington ♥

vow of silence

wardrobe for vow of silence can be found here--there are a lot of baby-sized ones too, which i think is really considerate since many are nonverbal (pre-verbal that is).

these first two are essential because then i, i mean one doesn't have to [verbally] ask for affection (whilst retaining coolly indifferent appearance --difficult but possible...in amerika no one knows any other language but english anyway, right duh):

funnier for non-korean (non-asians actually)

"drink your head off"--really?

this is nice--i need to read more (i'm reading Netherland and it IS as good as it's supposed to be; for some reason i couldn't read that guernsey/potato peel pie book, even tho' even eat-pray-love author-woman highly recommended it. i really tried, but couldn't do it)

hey LFTEC peeps! wanna see emi's office?

götgatan: yes the coolest street in södermalm--this is where our heroine works. (yes, i took this the night before i was supposed to meet her there--i had a dry run, ok? i'm not stalkerific!)

to give the full virtual tour, this is the ceiling when you first walk into her bldg. americans i think are allowed to be in awe. yes, europe IS where the history comes from. (eddie izzard)

ok, who doesn't want to be emi?

rewind to wednesday, august 26

i still don't get how all my pictures get all in screwed-up order esp.when i take meticulous care in entering them the backwards way that i thought produced the forwards way---ya know? anyway, these are all in gamla stan (and not in the order i meant)~ but hopefully you can still enjoy --

this cute creature about to fall over is at Storkyrkan.

this also, Storkyrkan--Stockholm Cathedral

loitering in front of Storkyrkan

Storkyrkan was built in 1279 i think

nice organ

the royal palace that the royal fam does not inhabit...

moving on with my life...? NAH.

September Issue--the movie

oh my, my posts are actually related--by accident, of course. yesterday i happened to finally look at my first subscription issue (sept) of vogue and today i happened to catch the documentary "the sept. issue" at the fancy mall.

it was really good, subtle, and though anna wintour still remains inscrutable, her interaction with her daughter was genuinely sweet (and her daughter seemingly very well-adjusted with her own well-formed ideas) and there were definitely some revealing moments where i thought i saw a tiny bit of vulnerability through her tight smile and brisk efficiency. grace coddington is even more fascinating actually--she is a real artiste with a personality that is a perfectly-welded tough-as-nails will and thin-skinned fragility, if that makes any sense or could even be possible. she is the real artistic vision behind the magazine--the creative genius with the eye for real beauty. but anna wintour is the realist, the one who edits without hesitation or feeling, who is always a step ahead. anyway, it was a really beautiful film to watch--they film in paris, rome (and anna wintour's house on long island!). also very funny (andre leon talley "playing tennis" with beach-size LV towel with matching little LV suitcases--really worth it).

september vogue

opening [double-entendre type grab] line of feature on charlize theron: "I feel like I always reveal too much,"

[i of course never look to celebrities for identification or wisdom or solace, but they are public domain, unfortunate specimens of public scrutiny--and well, i just happen to know the more famous people born on my birthday (david duchovny+garrison keillor+ mata hari = sex-addicted self-obsessed writing spying executed attention-whore) and maybe we do fit in a club of weirdos because i CAN RELATE (sometimes)(occasionally) (often!) (NEVER).]

however: feeling some identification with charlize theron (august 7, 1975) is really unexpected. what could i possibly have in common with amazon beauty from south africa? but in this vogue article.. i identify ! she betrayed me and the weirdo club but i feel so comforted too:

"Many beautiful actresses will call attention to their flaws over lunch as if to say, 'Look, I'm human too!' But when Charlize launches into her own list, there's something else at work. She's afraid of flying, she tells me. She's afraid of growing old and being alone. She's afraid of insulting people. She feels like she's shadowed constantly by a sense of remorse for some inappropriate thing she's just said. ('People tell me that cocaine makes you feel superhuman and you'll say anything. Then when you come downlike all of a sudden you have guilt," she says. "But I have that feeling innately, even without the cocaine.')"

let's trade eyeballs

i feel like i can borrow eyes for a moment when i see these pictures-- eyes full of worry and doubt wouldn't see things like this... so it's like an incredible favor. thank you so much. cuz my eyes don't work this way. literally life through these eyes is better, seems like. it's not a trick, or a fancy camera; it's true. (i tested it: photos taken with my camera by this person come out with this same feeling or whatever, and even in st. louis. believe it.)

go here and encourage him to share more with the world! do it for me! er i mean HUMANITY!

dear person whose recent interaction with me could be called "character-building"--

occasionally my carefully-maintained façade suddenly crumbles completely and the timing of it never seems to be my choice. (sorry it was your living room)

marc jacobs spring/summer 2010

by next spring will we all be wearing our bras/panties outside of our clothes? (wait is this retro? an 80's reference? from that movie... can't remember--you know, that lady who was kinda frazzled after getting struck by lightning?)