see where the hypocrisy comes in? can i do a 1/2 hr of focused practice every day? hmm. can i do anything for a 1/2 hour every day? of course i can. right?
last week's conversation:
A: "just do a half-hour of cardio everyday--either at the gym or outside, it doesn't matter"
L: "oh, i can do more than that. if i go to the gym, i do an hour, otherwise it isn't worth it"
sad sad sad. my big talk is so lame. but i was totally sincere, at the time. i meant it.
so i really sat down and looked at my commitment issues--i was forced to, faced with such blatant hypocrisy--and mostly alll i saw were really really sincere Good Intentions. so i am mobilizing, big time, after this humbling self-excavation. my neck pain is hopefully over (it lasted SO long this time i finally went to the dr. this morning and got an x-ray) so it'll be easier to mobilize.
also, though: do personal trainers (fit people) realize what it feels like to be un-fit? do they remember?
ok, see how i'm defensive? he thinks i give up too easily, don't reallyreally try, don't have the dedication needed to be Gym Star (i really can't do that last ___)--but after one of his sessions i can barely type on the computer--seriously! my legs are like jelly, knees are numb, i'm hallucinating practically-- and he says, "You're Not Even Sweating"..............oh. my.
i told him to forget the Gym Star stuff, i'm lowering my goals to like, healthy-senior-citizen levels. i told him to treat me like i'm 80 (with major neck problems) --luckily he's not listening to me. maybe it's like what women say during labor that youre supposed to ignore.. i recall calling him a "sadist"--oh i'm sure he doesn't mind.
it's nice to be held accountable to stuff, actually. i know i am supposed to be doing this for me, but i like having a COACH. it's so touching when he asks me what i ate that day ("um coffee") and then scolds me. is that weird? also, am i not committed if i really really REALLY don't want to read The Zone? (i tried before..4 real)