you wouldn't believe it! right when i woke up this morning. total surprise. yesterday i was really beating my brains out thinking about this "next step", WHAT IS THE NEXT STEP, WHAT WHAT WHAT?...
as in, what do u do after the observation from deep passivity*? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR ICKY ICKY (yes that's judgmental) FINDINGS*?
[*PROGRESS REPORT ON STEP 1: i've been doing this more than few days now (since my last krishnamurti post/ tuesday nov.11 and even more since reading thought-ful and thought-provoking comments from eugene, davin-- their minds REALLY set my dendrites/axons afire (THAT'S HOT©Paris Hilton)--[ok, side-note: you really do need other people; this proves it... it IS true. throw out your sartre. you know, two brains are better... ]. ok, this is what i do: i consciously take a mental step away from myself, zero myself all out, and as passively as possible, all casual-like, i tip-toe to the mode where i can passively and nonjudgmentally observe myself (neither criticizing nor commending)---- from a "
what do i do now, mr. j. krishnamurti? huh huh huh?
STEP 2 ARRIVES OVERNIGHT
ok, this morning it suddenly occurred to me that since i could observe quite well, and stay out of it, let it run it's course let's say, then maybe i could also interfere (even tho' that's like the resistance that K talks about all confusingly)-- i spin stuff (define: help people with words)for other people all the time, like to...
-lessen their disappointment/shock
-to support someone's confidence in their opinion
-to not get busted
i even use dreaded clichés (in emergency situations when you run out of your own material), like--
-"Tomorrow is another Day!"
-"It's Never as Bad as it Seems!"
eww. or just resort to--
--"WHAT AN ASSHOLE!"
a n y w a y , the point is i can use my left-brain to work for me instead of against me. i can argue with it until i get it in a chokehold of reason and positivity. here's an example that popped into my head right after this idea came to me: ok, recently let's say the default feeling is "it's the same-as-it-ever-was...SUX," about... love,( let's say, specifically about two gentlemen who will remain nameless).. well, there's tons of hard evidence for that, plus quotes from other people (e.g. my dad, xmas 2007, "You always pick the wrong guys"), self-image problems, general insecurity about intelligence, ugliness, fatness, etc. etc... WELL, i can tackle that with the same focused and determined part of my brain that can spin anything else for other people, open their minds, consider alternatives, cheer 'em up. determination and quickie brainstorming, incorporating also creative skills--point that at myself, to turn it around FOR ME. it could work, right? and in the end, even if not "spun' entirely around and i'm not beaming sunshine and rainbows, i'll have enough of an influx of new thoughts and ideas to at the least distract me, hopefully to expand my repertoire of default settings. gradually, who knows?
actually, i wrote most of this earlier, and then for the first time ever (good job! tell me good job!) i LEFT it !!even tho' i had all this stuff i wanted to get down before i forgot-- because i had to go to the gym at 3 and i've been chronically late (as u know) and it's terrible, feel bad. anyhow, later was in the grocery and i gave in again, didn't have the energy to come up with anything. what a downer this is. no one wants to hear about failed flashes of insight. what a bummer. maybe i'll try again later, but the dark side is strong (and has cookies!).